I’ve been happily buried in a revision/rewrite for the past ten days on a WIP I hadn’t picked up for over a year.
I remembered writing the first draft of LAST CHANCE, that’s the working title, in about six weeks. Then over the course of a year I revised it half a dozen times and finally gave it to one person to read. I had two other books I was working on, so when the critique came back I read it and then set it aside. I continued working on the two other books, and wrote a first draft of another book.
When I finally picked up LAST CHANCE, I was a little overwhelmed. I remembered being really excited by the story and then deflated by the critique. The critique did a good job of pointing out LAST CHANCE’s weaknesses which was what I wanted, but it also fired a couple of personal jabs my way which kind of threw me off balance.
Now I’m a guy who taught in a school for behaviorally challenged students for 15 years. I’ve been cussed out, lied to, and threatened too many times to count. I’ve even been punched and kicked a few times, but none of it was personal. By that, I mean those kids were going through tough times and for whatever reasons that’s how their anger, fear and frustration manifested.
My point: when someone is supposed to critique your writing, when that’s the understanding, and they start critiquing you instead, it’s not about you, it’s about them. Don’t take it personally.
Is this hard to remember? Sometimes.
Do the memories of those personal comments still get under my skin? A little.
Am I putting to use some of the comments directed toward the book? Yes.
Will I ever seek out this person for another critique? I haven’t decided.
Have I spoken to this person about where I thought the critique went astray? I haven’t and don’t plan to.
Since I started blogging—the above critique pre-dates my blogging-days—I’ve had the pleasure of trading manuscripts with some really great people who’ve totally focused on the writing.
Have you ever received a critique that crossed the fine line between the writing and the writer? How did you handle it? How would you handle it in the future? If you’ve never experienced this, what do you think is the best way to handle this type of situation? I’d love to hear your thoughts.
(This weekend I was interviewed at Frolicking Through Cyberspace. Here’s the link if your interested: Frolicking Through Cyberspace)
Wow Paul. You read my mind. This happened to me last week but an editor I hired to review my book. I loved loved most all of her suggestions but some struck hard and were personal, but I’m not sure she realized it. Part of me wanted to politely mention that they were a little rough and had nothing to do with the plot of the book, but I didn’t. Instead I looked at the good insights she gave me. But I admit, I’m not sure I would use this person again for the particular book I’m writing now.
I’m thinking it is difficult to find a critiquer who understands your genre, and will look at the whole picture while commenting about needed areas.
oops, I meant WHEN an editor I hired… I never proof my comments.
Thanks for sharing this story, Paul.
I’ve never had a critiquer get personal, but I did get feedback from one person a long time ago that was less of a critique than an outright rejection. She just said that my manuscript should be trashed because it “wasn’t a picture book”. It would have been so much more constructive if she had told me what it might be better as (chapter book? magazine story? rewritten as a poem?), but I guess she felt the need to show off her credentials, which she listed in the first paragraph of her “feedback”. It says more about her than about my manuscript, and from that point onward I read most of what she said about everyone’s work with a house-sized chunk of salt.
People who give feedback that doesn’t focus on the writing and that isn’t constructive only end up discrediting themselves.
Paul, great topic. I once had a flame review on Amazon about one of my books (which felt worse than a critique, because it was out there for the world to read). The reviewer criticized me much more than the writing. She’d never met me, but extrapolated various shortcomings about my personality based on things said by one of the characters in the book. Because the rant was such a blatant personal attack, I was able to get Amazon to remove the review. (If she’d stuck to criticizing the writing, it would still be posted there.)
In my critique groups (I go to two), we have a ground rule that feedback should be given only about the writing, not the author. Critique groups aren’t Psych 101.
I used to belong to a pretty large online writing workshop, and both the size and the online nature of the workshop meant that things were a bit impersonal. So, I think critiquers felt a lot more comfortable making personal attacks in their comments. That said, the vast majority of the critiques contained no personal attacks. Because of the size of the group, each story usually received a large number of critiques, and I quickly learned to save and follow the advice in the critiques that I felt were useful, but to delete those that didn’t offer anything helpful.
I can still remember one critique, or at least one line from a critique that I didn’t save that had a personal attack in it. It was nothing serious, but it’s just one of those things that has stayed with me.
I’m sorry this happened to you, Paul. I had this happen to me recently. Though a lot of the critique was very good, part of it was a critique on me and on the things I know are true, because I live in the south.
I kept the good and threw out the bad. But sometimes what we might take as an attack wasn’t meant that way. Have a great day.
Wow, truly introspective post for me. I started out writing with a partner. Sad to say, I did allow my feelings for his writing and critiques to sour the partnership. In the end I like strong female characters and he…played down women a lot and on some levels, I thought that aspect defined the man – and his writing.
These days I’m fortunate to have a Beta reader that won’t be satisfied with anything but what he ‘knows’ I’m capable of. True, he gets my ire up more times than not. The thing is I ‘know’ he believes I’m talented. His critiques are based on what he reads and how he responds to the storyline.
Of course as in everything in life, you can’t please everyone. I think we have to take our critiques for what they are – someone’s opinion, let it sit for awhile, and basically sort through and decide if any of it works for the story. In the end we’re the storytellers, we just need help every now and then to get the story out of our heads onto the page before us. (Hugs)Indigo
Yeah, critiques always sting for me (at the beginning), but after a couple days (or a few weeks) the sting goes away and I can see how the suggestions will make my writing better.
I say, bring on the sting! (I’ve got an epi pen ready.) 😉
It’s funny you mention this…
This happened to me recently. Yes, the critique person made some good points, but I was also a bit put off by the aggressiveness of the critique. When I critique someone else’s work, I always begin and end with what the writer did RIGHT. This was not the case with this other person. Anyway, it’s still on my mind, but much less so now that it’s been a few days. I have a positive attitude about this whole writing thing, but sometimes a knock-out punch takes a few days to recover from.
Good luck on your revisions!
Yes, I’ve received some of them. But they weren’t so much jabs at me but really harsh crits with nothing positive. I usually stop working on that story all together. And struggle to write for a few weeks. I have much thicker skin now. But how we word our critiques are so important! And it’s equally important to include positives. And if there are suggestions that mean a complete rewrite – it needs to be done in the right way.
Yes, and it sure as heck wasn’t fun. It took me a LONG time to get back to the story and to be able to see anything good in it at all. But, I’m happy to say that I finally got over it, revised that MS and am having good success with it.
I totally agree that the trick to receiving critiques is to not take them personally. Same with agent/editor rejections.
As for me, I just thanked the person for their critique and I haven’t ever asked them to read any of my work again, lol. 🙂
I had this happen as well. It really took me a while to get over. In the end I realized they were right, even though they didn’t say it in the nicest way, which I guess is something we need to get used to.
I think the thing about critiquing is trying to balance giving them good advice without killing their spirit to write.
This is always a difficult one. I tend not to return to critquers who make criticisms or observations about me rather than my writing. It’s hard enough to send out the writing as it is!
Paul–Sometimes you just have to go with your gut…Do you agree or disagree with what your critiquer says? Then go with it….Let go of what they say if it bothers you…Opinions are like belly buttons, everyone has one. 🙂 If this person crossed the line and offended you, don’t use them again. If they just don’t get your work, don’t use them again….
Hi everyone, thanks for sharing your stories, reflections and thoughts on critiquing situations. It’s really interesting and helpful. 🙂
I was attacked once in a critique group by someone who looked down on YA. Basically, he told me that I couldn’t write and he suggested I write more maturely and academically. I didn’t let it affect me because I recognized his biases right away. But I did drop out of the group. People were tardy, no-show, arrogant, and on top of that this guy was in the group. I went onto brighter pastures and joined an amazing group.
Hi Paul, I have never had a personal attack within a critique and agree with your sentiment that it is more about that person than you. I would probably not use that beta reader anymore–whoever is reading your initial drafts is seeing you at your most vulnerable and you have to find writers you are comfortable with when they are viewing your work in that stage. I am super lucky in that I have a great critique group that encourages me (while giving me the truth). I am my own worst critic, though, and find that I go with my gut a lot on changes. It usually works.
Back from a week in the bush and trying to catch up blogs. This was such an interesting post; sorry I missed the initial discussion!
Yes, I have received a critique that was personal and aimed at me as a person rather than my writing. It was from the external examiner of my masters degree. She was extremely scathing in a personal way and, yes, those words still echo in my head.
I didn’t write a thing except my blog for over a year after that (I started my blog as a way to overcome the paralysis I was in after her comments) but I later discovered a blog she’d written at the time she examined my work. It was bitter and self-pitying and revealed a whole lot of personal problems she was dealing with at the exact time she did my crit (she actually failed my masters thesis, it was resubmitted and I passed later).
That insight put a whole different perspective on her comments. I’ve never been able to dismiss them, but I have been abe to move on. And I’ve just sent out that ms again – polished and shiny and with many good comments from publishing professionals ringing in my ears. Maybe it’ll never be published, but at least I know I’ve done the best I can with it *despite* her unnecessary and personal attack.
Moral of the story: By learning to identify that fine line you talk of, I’m now a much better and more confident writer.
Judy
Ouch, I’m sorry Paul. That must have been difficult.
I’ve been very blessed to have tough, yet constructive critiques along with soft and encouraging ones. I’ve never felt personally attacked, and for that I’m grateful. However, I often feel embarrassed after I read comments that I agree with–like why didn’t I catch that??
I had to go think on this and come back. I really do believe their is something to be learned from each critique, even if the critique is not focused on my writing per se. The difficulty is getting myself out of the way to actually see what it is they are saying (just as it is difficult to get myself out of the way in order to give a good critique). I’m not sure that I’m there yet but as I have received more and more feedback I am better at hearing it from a distance and figuring out where it is coming from. It is from there that I can figure out what to fix and if it is even something that I want to fix.
“…they start critiquing you instead, it’s not about you, it’s about them.” — Remembering that is the key, I think, to surviving what can feel like a personal attack. I’ve been lucky (so far) and have crit partners who focus on the WRITING (what a concept, I know).
Thanks for posting about this.