Manchester United are prepared to activate Neymar’s buyout clause - reports

According to none other than Jorge Mendes’ official mouthpiece Duncan Castles, Neymar is under the impression that Manchester United are prepared to meet his buyout clause. Apparently, instead of going through the hassle of haggling with fellow superclub Barcelona, United would rather just skip all that trouble and front up the €200million. That’s €200,000,000. Even though José Mourinho publicly dismissed the possibility of signing the Brazilian superstar earlier this season, these new reports claim that the Portuguese is very much interested in bringing Neymar to Manchester.

The whole idea is so absurd that we can only assume it will end in a Messi-style summer pay raise for Neymar, and United settling for the much more reasonably priced (just €100m!) Antoine Griezmann.

In other Brazilian-attacker-on-Mourinho’s-watchlist news, old favorite Willian is reportedly also a target. Willian, who was originally only signed by Mourinho at Chelsea to take the piss out of Tottenham, was the sole bright spot in the manager’s doomed final season at Stamford Bridge. This season though, he has found a regular starting spot harder to come by, as Pedro has returned to form, and Mourinho believes he can use this to help persuade Willian into a reunion.

Photo by Ian Walton/Getty Images

Marca are reporting that David de Gea has asked United to negotiate with Real Madrid for his transfer (Dear God, here we go again), and that James Rodriguez may go the other way. How convenient for them.

Mourinho is continuing to play the dangerous game of publicly challenging players to rush their recovery from injury, again calling out Phil Jones and Chris Smalling. Despite his apparent disgust at neither player healing themselves in a time frame that he considers convenient, he still says that both center backs “of course” have a future at a club. Given that neither has proven to be reliable in terms of form or fitness, despite several years at the club, let’s hope that he was being diplomatic for once.

Patrice Evra has repeated his claim that he almost returned to Manchester United in January, and says that he would have loved to play for Mourinho.

“I need coaches like Ferguson, coaches with an iron fist, because I work like that. Jose knows it. We sometimes send each other texts. I won't hide it, I almost went back to Manchester. Unfortunately, it didn't happen. I won't go into details, but of course I would have loved to have played for Mourinho.”

We must find the monster who denied us this joyous reunion, and have him whipped and exiled.