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In exploring how science suggests polyamory is good for you, I’m going to make one major disclaimer: Polyamory is not for everyone. Instead of thinking of polyamory as a choice, consider regarding it more as an orientation.

Take it one step further and understand that orientations are more like a spectrum than a definition. This will make thinking about “polyamory” a little easier on the mind (at least it did for me.)

So, all the jargon that’s thrown around, like non-monogamy, consensual non-monogamy (CNM), polyamory, etc. all have gray areas and are not neat little definitions that fit in a box.

And isn’t that the nature of labels really? Every label has a slightly different meaning for everyone based on their own life experience and it can make discussing these wonderfully complex subjects tricky.

But polyamorous people don’t shy away from the complex; in fact, it could be argued that’s where they thrive.

Group of polyamorous friends taking a picture

Why We Should Talk About Polyamory

The dynamics of relationships and family dynamics are changing as we know it. Two-thirds of Americans declared that the “growing variety in the types of family arrangements that people live in” is “a good thing” according to a 2013 Pew Research Center Poll. Even with the increased diversity of the family dynamic, polyamory is a piece that remains on the outskirts of that conversation.

But people are curious. From 2006 to 2015, the words “polyamorous” and “open relationships” have seen a significant spike in Google searches. And in 2016 a national survey of 1,000 adults found that 31 percent of women and 48 percent of men said that their ideal relationship would be some form of non-monogamy.

The national conversation about polyamory is only beginning. Resources, opinion, dialogue, and experiences need to be shared because it takes a collection of experiences to develop an understanding. There are hundreds of thousands of people, some estimate around 5 percent of Americans, practicing some form of non-monogamy, but many of them keep quiet due to the stigmas and general misunderstanding surrounding the concept.

So, let’s talk about polyamory. Keep in mind that one size doesn’t fit all in any relationship. Here are the 3 reasons science suggests polyamory might be good for you.

1.  The Science of Love

When you fall in love or in lust, your brain releases a series of chemicals that feel damn good. There are three basic stages of love each with their predominant chemical reactions.

  • Lust – This phase is predominantly associated with testosterone and estrogen. These chemicals contribute to that drive you feel when you lust after someone.
  • Attraction – When you fall in love, that wonderful “I can’t think of anything else” feeling, are bursts of dopamine, serotonin, and norepinephrine
  • Attachment – The warm fuzzy feeling inside that you get with someone you’ve formed a long-term bond with, is assisted by the release of oxytocin. Believed to deepen attachments, oxytocin is released at its peak during childbirth and during orgasms.

People in polyamorous relationships often claim that incorporating multiple partners allows them to experience love’s different stages. This leads to cycling through these stages throughout their lives. Meaning they get to experience these wonderful natural highs as they navigate new relationships.

While research on the science of polyamory is still young, it seems intuitive that through making space in your life for additional romantic relationships means inadvertently you’ll experience love cycles.

Additionally, it’s common to hear people in the polyamory community discuss how they revisit the stages with their long-term or primary partner through adding others to their dynamic.

2.  Novel Experiences Stimulate Your Mind

It’s common for monogamous people to look at non-monogamous relationships and think, “How exhausting!” But relationships, even monogamous, are hard work.

In a study of over 6,000 monogamous relationships of over 20 years, researchers found that a high number of couples were still in love.

And what did they have in common? Hard work. Deep communication. And novel experiences. By adding novel experiences to any relationship, it increases your dopamine and norepinephrine levels. And as for the deep communication and hard work? One can argue that this science forms the pillars of many polyamorous relationships.

Hard work and communication are essential to navigating the unchartered waters of having multiple partners. Because there are few role models for healthy polyamory relationships, it can be an added challenge for the participants. For many this process of working through the surprising feelings and emotions caused by novel experiences can be part of the enjoyment of polyamory.

3.  Safer Sex

That’s right, safer sex. Studies have shown that people in non-monogamous relationships who are participating in sex outside their primary partnership are having safer sex than those who are single and those who wander out of monogamous relationships.

A study published in the Journal of Sexual Medicine found that people who are in non-monogamous relationships are more likely to talk about sexually transmitted diseases and engage in safe sex outside their relationship than those who cheat.

Speculation surrounds why this occurs, but it certainly counters the perspective many monogamous individuals have of the polyamory community. Many place an emphasis on sex in polyamorous relationships, but while it’s a factor, it’s not the primary focus for everyone.

Additionally, many think that having multiple partners in a polyamorous relationship is dangerous or reckless but quickly forget the millions of individuals dating and sleeping with multiple partners that are single.

The Beautiful and Complex Human

There are countless ways to navigate life, and polyamory represents one such path, encompassing diverse arrangements for millions globally. As science suggests polyamory is good for you, further research and exposure are crucial for society to better understand non-monogamous relationships.

Polyamory isn’t a fleeting trend. With increased exposure, stigmas and misunderstandings are likely to diminish. Those who practice polyamory discreetly will find validation, which is what I hope for. Ethically practiced, polyamory can bring substantial benefits to all partners involved in a relationship. In a world often shadowed by violence, embracing the love that polyamory can offer might just be what we need.

Read More: The Four Keys to Communication in Open Relationships