(The challenge was to write a complete story in exactly 100 words. So here is Geoffrey Chaucer's Canterbury Tale with each tale reduced to 100 words. This post contains the Prologue and the first six Tales.)
Prologue
Farewell March, hello April. It’s Pilgrimage time! Off we go
to Canterbury. This is a rum lot gathered at the Tabard in Southwark – a
knight, his squire, a miller, a reeve, a whole load of religious people – most
of whom are probably up to no good – and there’s a woman from Bath who’s got a
few skeletons in the cupboard. I’m coming too of course - the name’s Geoffrey
Chaucer.
Mine Host has a thought - suppose we pass the time by telling stories as we ride to Canterbury? I’ll write them down if you like – it could be fun!
Knight's Tale
Palamon and Arcite are two knights imprisoned in a tower in
Athens by Theseus. Both see Lady Emily from the tower and claim “dibs”. Arcite
is released and exiled but returns to Athens and gets a job in Emily’s house.
Palamon later escapes, meets Arcite and they agree to duel over their claim to
Emily. Theseus finds out and the duel becomes a staged pitched battle. Emily
prays that the winner will be the one who loves her most. The gods Venus and
Saturn get involved, such that Palamon loses but Arcite dies from a fall.
Palamon therefore marries Emily.
Miller's Tale
Elderly carpenter John has young wife Alison who is much
fancied by lodger Nicholas (an astrologer) and neighbour Absolon. Alison
fancies Nicholas. Nicholas tell John that Noah’s Flood will happen again and
persuades him to spend the night in a barrel tied to the rafters. Absolon asks
Alison for a midnight kiss at the window, but she sticks her bare backside out
at him instead. Absolon asks for another kiss later but plans to whack her rear
end with a piece of hot metal. However, this time it’s Nicholas’s arse. He
shouts “Water”, John cuts his rope and crashes down.
Reeve's Tale
Students John and Aleyn think that Symkyn the miller is
cheating their college. They spend the night at the mill, with everyone
sleeping in the same room. Aleyn slips into bed with the miller’s teenage
daughter, but John moves the baby’s cradle so that the miller’s wife gets into
John’s bed on returning after getting up for a pee. Aleyn also gets it wrong by
getting into bed with the miller and telling him (thinking it’s John) what he
has just done to his daughter. Huge fight ends when the miller’s wife
mistakenly hits the miller with a big stick.
Cook's Tale
Apprentice Perkin, known as Reveller, drinks, dances and
plays dice, but funds his gambling by stealing money from his employer, a
grocer. The grocer thinks that he is likely to be a bad influence on the other
apprentices and throws him out. Perkin finds new lodgings with a friend who is also
a gambler. The friend’s wife runs a shop and substitutes her income with
prostitution.
And that is all that Chaucer tells us. Did he ever finish
the story? Was the manuscript lost? The chances are that the tale, involving
gamblers and prostitutes, would have been another saucy one.
Man of Law's Tale
Constance, daughter of the Christian Emperor of Rome, is
shipwrecked in Northumberland and rescued by the constable of a nearby castle
and his wife. When the wife is murdered, Constance is tried for the crime but found
not guilty and King Alla marries her. As a result of trickery by the king’s
mother, Constance and her son are set adrift at sea and end up in the
Mediterranean. Her ship is discovered by a Roman senator, who, accompanied by
Constance’s son, later meets King Alla who is visiting Rome. Constance is
reunited with her father but then returns to England.
Wife of Bath's Tale
© John Welford
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